That was one in a million kid.

As I was on my home from work last week I took the Highland exit into Hollywood. I was already on the exit when I noticed it was -totally- backed up.

Fuck.

There was a concert at the Hollywood Bowl, which means I was going to be in traffic for about 45 minutes to get past the next 3/4 of a mile. While mad for a second or two, I got over it. There was nothing I could do and it was my own fault for not checking the traffic before I left work. So I sat, and I waited.

about 30 minutes later, I had made it through. It was actually refreshing for the car to go over 5 MPH for a couple seconds. But then...

About five or six cars ahead of me there was a car just sitting in the right-hand lane. There was a small, dirt parking lot to our right and it was full. The car up ahead had tried to pull in an the parking lot attendant had evidently stopped him. Rather than back up and drive past like any normal human being would do, he sat there. In the road.

There wasn't a shoulder to pull onto, there wasn't any room for cars to get past him, yet he just sat there. It dawned on me after about 5-8 seconds that the bastard was going to wait for a car to leave that dirt lot...while forty or fifty cars have piled up behind him.
The traffic behind me in my lane went as far as I could see, back past the last intersection, which was now also blocked because too many cars thought they should have been able to make it through the light but couldn't because this guy was just fucking sitting in the middle of the road.

In LA traffic, I've picked up the habit of leaving several feet between me and the car in front of me in the event of a rear-ending, or the chance to safely pull into the other lane to go around the inevitable grabastically selfish drivers in LA that block lanes...like this event.

This offense, however, was the most blatantly selfish and "fuck you, rest of traffic" move I've ever seen here. Everyone sat there paralyzed for about 20 seconds in disbelief. Horns were expressing every one's discontent.

Because of the curve of the road and my few feet of free space, I was able to pull into the left lane and pass the mess. I had a half-empty can of diet coke which I decided the entirety of traffic would appreciate on the guy's roof or hood more than in my belly. So right when I was about to pass the offending car I hurled the can out the drivers-side window with sort of a grenade-lobbing arc throw you'd have to do to throw something over your own car from the drivers side.

I was expecting a nice satisfying smack of aluminum and Splenda-infused sweetness hitting the hood or maybe even windshield of the guy's car. No such noise. I looked at his car -just- in time to see the whole can disappear right into the driver's side window and the driver jump with surprise.

Holy assclowns.

I couldn't believe my luck. The clouds parted and the Angels sang as my diet coke arrow stuck true in the heart of the Giant...the Giant Traffic Asshole.

The car was quickly in my rear-view mirror and I couldn't see the extent of the soda carnage. I'll never know if it hit the steering wheel and a fountain of Coke exploded in carbonated retribution like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

I can only assume that anyone that saw that event not only thinks I'm some sort of crack shot, they also hail me as a hero.

Luckiest. Throw. Ever.