The Snake Story

When I was about 8 years old, my family went on a double vacation with my dad's good friend John and his family. There were seven of us staying at a lake house somewhere in Florida, I don't recall where exactly.

We went fishing and boating in the lake but drove to the beach to go swimming. Our house was directly in front of the dock that served 4 or 5 different houses. It was quite long since the lake was so shallow and had a big lounge area at the end with tables and such. We must've been there during an off season because I don't remember seeing anybody else around or any boats at the dock.

The dock started all the way back at the driveway in between two of the houses. There was a four or five foot drop from the grassy yard to a small sandy area that only went for about 8 or 10 feet before you were in water. So the dock was elevated above the sandy area by five feet or so. There was a little two-person rowboat that I was allowed to take out on the water by myself, as long as it was within yelling distance of our dock. I took it out every day because I couldn't believe I was allowed to do it.

One day all the parents are out on the lounge part of the dock. It's almost dinner time and they're laying out and grilling. I was going to take the boat out and have my burger handed to me at the end of the dock, because how awesome is it to have your hamburger in a little rowboat? Seriously, who does that?!!

I started to push the boat from the sand into the water and I heard something like air escaping a tire. I stopped because I thought the boat had caught something like a tire or hose. Out from beneath the boat slithered a water moccasin.* I totally froze in my tracks, scared out of my 8-year old mind. The snake coiled in a circle about three feet in front of me and had it's head raised. It seemed pissed or scared, but I promise you I was more scared. I was 8 and the snake was longer than I was tall.
As it happened, my mom was walking back from the lounge area right after this happened. She was about halfway down the dock and could see what was going on. Mom (26 at the time) was evidently as scared as I was and only managed to scream "snake" with panic in her voice.

By her account, she was still turning around to yell snake a second time to my stepdad, Ed (43 at the time) when she realized he had just sprinted past her on the dock. Before anyone else really knew what was going on, Ed had ran the length of the dock and jumped off onto the beach. In mid-jump, he grabbed an oar that was resting against one of the pilings and severed the snake's head with the paddle's edge as he landed.

I shit you not.

*There was a snake book in the house and the snake was certainly venomous. There was only debate over whether the cottonmouth and the water moccasin were the same snake or not.

So that's the Snake Story.

Next, Bob's Cubicle Scam AKA Trying to wear the old man out.