Goodbye, O-Ren

Sadly, somebody is leaving my show. It’s not really “my show”, or it would have a lot less news and a lot more naked Big, but that’s neither really here nor there.
The person who reads the news from a teleprompter, and does not take part in the chatting about the news, is leaving.
What is here and there is the show’s initiative to replace this person with a certain ethnicity. See, our show lacks a particular ethnicity on-air that keeps us from adding some markets such as Detroit or Atlanta.
That’s right, our show doesn’t have any Pacific Islanders on the desk.

Now, that’s not to say we don’t have any Pacific Islanders at all. Several key positions are held by Pacific Islanders. Their efforts are crucial to running a very professional-looking and competent show. “But Bloggy”, you must say, “You’ve said your show is pretty terrible”. It is dear reader, it is.
For all their efforts, most (not all) but most of the Pacific Islanders on the show are not very good at their jobs.
Without getting into specifics, I can assure my four readers that the 4 or 5 Pacific Islanders on the show are responsible for a rather disproportionate number of mistakes made on a daily basis.
Granted, talent is certainly a different sort of animal. The Pacific Islander that we’ll inevitably hire for this newsreader position will certainly not be able to get away with saying “aloha”, “hang loose”, Eh Wantok, or “damn, I’d love some spam”.
It just won’t fly.
So while we have to suffer the laid-back carelessness with which kiwi’s and the like execute their jobs, we won’t have to hear any of that horrendous pacispeak.