Mysteries of Tar-Tar Revealed

I made some fish for dinner this evening.
While the yummy fishbodies were warming in my not-so-easybake oven, I realized that I didn't have anything to dip my fish in.

Since I was being so healthy and eating fish, I wanted to balance it out with some nice, tasty fat. But my fridge was barren of fatty radish sauce.

BUT, I did have some reduced calorie miracle whip and sliced pickles. Not radish in a jar, but PICKLES!!!

But how, HOW in God's name did you transform the pickles into a substance that would lend itself to being mixed with the aforementioned reduced calorie miracle whip? I used a knife, a very good, very sharp kitchen knife.
I sliced and I sliced those pickles until they were fine particles. One might even say I "diced" the pickle slices. "Dicing the pickle slices" sounds kinda naughty, but I'll leave that to barbarians like the giant homosexual Big.

When I mixed the diced pickles and the reduced calorie miracle whip, it turned into a mixture that would pass not only for a distant cousin of tartar sauce, but I daresay it could pass as a brother, or even the offspring of tartar sauce.

I used the newly-born mixture to further flavor my fish dinner.

It was delicious.

So now...PLEASE stop all the emails asking if I've ever made my own tartar sauce.