Wasted Youth

All the games I played when I was 14 were really, really dumb.

This sounds like much more fun.

More importantly, it has an AWESOME name.

What'cha doin'?

Playin' boobtag.

Sincerity

I admit with no shame that this made me cry.

If there's anybody left on the planet with that kind of sincerity and altruistic ideas, I'd like to meet them.

Empowerment

Last Saturday I drove to my Saturday night gig to discover that my regular parking lot was full.

I was bummed that my out-of-the-way 5$ lot was full because most of the parking around Hollywood and Vine runs more like 10-20$ for the evening.

So I was thrilled when only another 2 blocks away I found an 8$ lot. I pulled in and drove up to the attendant.

How much is it to park here?

Hatedolars.

Eight?

Hatedolars.

OK. Um, I work at one of the clubs around the corner, and my car will be here all night, is it fine until morning?

-no response-

Can I get my car in the morn...

Si, si, it will be ohkay.

I gave the guy my eight bucks and parked. Awesome.

Nine hours later at about 7:15 or so I get back to the lot after an uneventful, but very tiring night of letting Douchebags into a VIP area to drink 200 dollar bottle of vodka.

I notice that they've closed one of the gates. Hmm,... well there's probably only one guy here now and it's easier to watch the lot with only one gate open...right?
I walk though a door-sized section of the fence that's always open and I see that the other gate is also shut.

Mother. Fucker.

I hop in my car and zip over to one of the gates. It's the kind that slides open on a track, running along with the length of fence. It's secured with a pretty sizable padlock on only medium gauge chain.

A quick backstory...

About three years ago I made a movie that ended with a cartoon character who produces a wood axe to threaten the time-traveling main character. If you were there, you know what I'm talking about. If you weren't, well, you'd just have to see it.

Almost two years ago, I sold my Taurus and bought a Volvo s40. When I emptied the trunk of the Taurus, I transferred some of the contents directly to my Volvo...including the wood axe used in said time-travel movie.

Back to last Saturday.

I went straight to my trunk and got the axe. Still in my suit and tie, I marched over to the chain holding the gate shut. About three inches of the chain rested against the metal pole that was part of the fence.
I started to whale on that chain like a fucking Viking.
VERY quickly, I was drawing attention. I can't imagine why. A guy in a suit, outside his running car in a parking lot beating on a locked gate with an axe in the heart of Hollywood at 7:20 on a Sunday morning. What the hell were they looking at?

My four or five observers got to watch as on my fifth or sixth swing, I got the chain just right and the whole length of chain dropped to the ground.

I don't know exactly why, but at that precise moment I felt like this.

I mean, obviously I felt like I'd taken control of my situation, but it was something better than that. It put me in a good mood for days.

For the matter of the parking lot's broken chain and busted up fence pole...Hire alguien que habla inglés de mierda.

No one knew the Egyptians were such Giant Queers

Man-Bear Pig

This is shocking, -shocking- information about AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH.

The man that wrote "Earth in the Balance" got something wrong?

I'm stunned for the day...